


Sigh No More

by PhoenixFoxfire



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Angst, Gen, M/M, Romance, Songfic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-08-21
Updated: 2012-08-21
Packaged: 2017-11-12 14:40:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,793
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/492294
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PhoenixFoxfire/pseuds/PhoenixFoxfire
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A series of songfics based off of Mumford and Son's CD Sigh No More and two additional songs (Home and The Ghosts That We Knew).</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Sigh No More

**Author's Note:**

> Post-Reichenbach, Sherlock pov

_Serve God, love me, and mend_

_This is not the end_

_Live unbruised, we are friends_

_And I'm sorry_

_I'm sorry_

I know I hurt you. I know that my actions tore you apart, ripped you to pieces as easily as one might rip a wet piece of paper. But I'm here now. I'm here for you to love. Please, John, I know you can mend. I'm here to help you in that process. I know I don't often understand feelings well, but I do know I love you. I will do anything to fix you, now that I've returned. Oh, how the roles are reversed, me being the doctor and you being the patient. I saw you, that day in the graveyard, crying over what you thought was my tomb. It was so hard to hold myself back. Not running to you and telling you I was alive was the biggest challenge of my life. You thought it was the end. But it wasn't. We're together, and I want to heal all your bruises. I am sorry, John. I am so sorry.

_Sigh no more, no more_

_One foot in sea, one on shore_

_My heart was never pure_

_And you know me_

_You know me_

It's time to put your indecision to rest, John. Don't live unsure of how to go on. Stop sitting on the fence, wondering if you even want to go on. Do you know what that would have done to me, love? I guess you do. I would feel the same way you've felt since that day. But climb down from that fence, into my arms. It's safe here, and I will never let you go again. There's no need for those heavy sighs to emanate from your chest. You know me, John. You know I never would have left you if it wasn't absolutely necessary.

_And man is a giddy thing_

_Oh man is a giddy thing_

_Oh man is a giddy thing_

_Oh man is a giddy thing_

Man is so full of emotion. He is giddy with it, or so I've observed. It bubbles up inside him, consuming all that he is, and it can be so fickle, changing all so quickly to another emotion. I've seen you struggle in these past few months. Oh yes, I've never really left you. I couldn't. I had to ensure you were ok. Which you weren't, of course. It was selfish of me, watching you, knowing you needed me, and yet not fulfilling that need. I may not understand emotion, but I know when you are hurting, John, and it makes my heart ache.

_Love, it will not betray you, dismay, or enslave you_

_It will set you free_

_Be more like the man you were made to be_

_There is a design, an alignment to cry,_

_Of my heart to see_

_The beauty of love as it was made to be_

I won't distress you any longer, love. I will never betray you. I want to see you as the man you were before, my beautiful, heartfelt doctor who keeps me in check when I need it. Cast off those black robes of mourning. Grief doesn't suit you, my dear. Please smile again, for me. My heart longs to see that smile. We're together again, and it is so beautiful. This is how it was made to be. I'll desert no longer. I need to be by you side.


	2. The Cave

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sherlock pov. Established Johnlock. John is resigned to living with a Moriarty-obsessed Sherlock. Sherlock tells John he can change.

_It's empty in the valley of your heart_

_The sun, it rises slowly as you walk_

_Away from all the fears_

_And all the faults you've left behind_

I've realised something, John, something that came from observing you. You've lost some of that hot spark that burns in your very core. You are usually so eager, so driven, and yet as of late this vitality has diminished. At first I couldn't understand why. After all, you were returning to the excitement, the adrenaline rush you craved so much after being a soldier. You left behind the dull civilian life in favour of running around with me. Solving cases is a little less frightening than being shot at constantly (although I suppose we have had a few guns pointed our way).

_The harvest left no food for you to eat_

_You cannibal, you meat-eater you see_

_But I have seen the same,_

_I know the shame in your defeat_

You've been acting like a man who has always had a sufficient amount to eat and suddenly finds himself starving, with no food to be had anywhere. He has a look of desire upon his face when meat is placed in front of him, and no matter what it is, he will take what he can get. At the same time, he is ashamed, ashamed that he has to resort to simply settling for the least, ashamed he has been defeated. He becomes weary and without vigour, except when his sparing meals are presented to him. And then I realised that you have that same attitude, have had it since Moriarty first appeared in our lives. You look beaten except when I am affectionate and paying mind to you and you alone. Then there was the second realisation: I am selfish. I have been ignoring you more and more as I get wrapped up in unravelling Moriarty. I haven't been noticing your needs, physically or emotionally. It's already difficult for me to discern exactly what you need when I am paying attention (you know I rarely bother to concern myself with sentiment), so I can imagine you feel neglected. You won't walk away from me, and you know that I probably wouldn't listen to you if you tried to explain how you feel. That's sad, but it's true, and I know it. So I'll say it myself. You feel defeated by Moriarty. You think I find him more interesting than you, and you're ashamed. The soldier inside of you cannot stand to be beaten. You are settling for what you think is the best you can get.

_But I will hold on hope and_

_I won't let you choke_

_On the noose around your neck_

_And I'll find strength in pain and_

_I will change my ways_

_I'll know my name as it's called again_

You think that I can't change, that no matter how much I love you I will always be ensnared in these little games I play with Moriarty. You're resigned to being second to him. But you are wrong, my love. Now that I've noticed what I'm doing to you, I will change it. I won't let you give up on having better with me. I have heard you calling my name in desperation, and now I'll take action.

_Cause I have other things to fill my time_

_You take what is yours and I'll take mine_

_Now let me at the truth which will_

_Refresh my broken mind_

There are other cases. Lestrade brings me enough to pass the time. They may not all be as challenging or as satisfying, but there are the occasional jewels in the mound of coal. I'll be sure that if there is even a hint, a whisper of Jim Moriarty in a case, I will refuse. Even he will get bored if I don't dance for him. I will always be happy with you, but if you left, even Moriarty's challenges would cease to amuse me. That's the truth of it, Doctor Watson.

_So tie me to a post and block my ears_

_I can see widows and orphans through my tears_

_I know my call despite my faults_

_And despite my growing fears_

It will be difficult. There's no point in lying. I need distractions, you know I do, or else I start deteriorating into an incoherent, irrational mess. And yes, Moriarty has often been the cure for my boredom. But remind me why cannot go out running every time he beckons. Remind me of you. I will beg, I will scream at you to let me solve the puzzle. It's a fault, John; I readily admit that to you. Solving cases is like a drug to me, and having those cases withheld puts my mind in severe withdrawal. His puzzles are by far the most intricate, the cleverest. But if those cases, his games, are taking me away from you, then I will force myself through that torture. Through all of this, the haze, the frustration, I will see you. I know it's my call to do this properly (or at least as properly as you can get with me), and I will not ruin this relationship because of him.

_But I will hold on hope and_

_I won't let you choke_

_On the noose around your neck_

_And I'll find strength in pain and_

_I will change my ways_

_I'll know my name as it's called again_

Yes, he's an enigma. He's someone on my level of genius. But he could never outshine you, John. Do you really think anyone ever could? Do you really think it's possible for anyone to make me stop loving you? You're the only person who's ever managed to capture my heart, the only person who can make me think about others' feelings, even if I can't sympathise. And you alone can make me feel, John, feel emotions other than just happiness or annoyance or satisfaction. I'd long ago locked away any deep emotions. They are distractions, taking up valuable space and reducing the ability to reason. For years I haven't felt exuberance or worry or nervousness or love. Until you. You're different, you're not a distraction. In fact, I am better with you than I have ever been before. I'm still the same high-functioning sociopath, I still don't do people. My emotions, all the ones that mean something, are directed at you. You've changed me, just a little. And I don't mind.

_So come out of your cave walking on both hands_

_And see the world hanging upside down_

_You can understand dependence when_

_You know the maker's hand_

You'll be surprised, I know you will. Me, giving up on a chance to prove my brilliance, put my mind to work? It will seem to you as if the world has turned itself inside out, everything hanging upside down. But please, believe it. Come out of the cave of isolation you've entered, because I am right outside waiting to show you exactly what you mean to me.

_So make your siren's call and_

_Sing all you want_

_I will not hear what you have to say_

_Cause I need freedom now and_

_I need to know how_

_To live my life as it's meant to be_

So, Mr. Moriarty, you can try to entice me, seduce me with as many games as you want. Play the part of a sweet singing siren. I will not listen, will not be drawn to my doom. I am meant to be with my John, not following your every whim. So goodbye, James. You cannot come between us. And he's not my pet, by the way. He's my life.

_But I will hold on hope and_

_I won't let you choke_

_On the noose around your neck_

_And I'll find strength in pain and_

_I will change my ways_

_I'll know my name as it's called again_


	3. Winter Winds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Post-TGG. It wasn't written as a Post-Reichenbach, but it can be. Sherlock pov.

_As the winter winds littered London with lonely hearts_

_All the warmth in your eyes swept me into your arms_

_Was it love or fear of the cold that led us through the night?_

_With every kiss your beauty trumped my doubt_

(crossed out) My Dear John,

(crossed out) Doctor Watson,

(crossed out) Dearest Watson,

John,

I will be gone by the time you read this. No, not gone as in, oh, he's just popped out for a few days as usual. I will be gone. I will not be coming back anytime soon, if at all.

Know this, my John, my dearest loving John: I love you. When this whole thing began, when we first started "dating", I believe is the term, I had my doubts. It was during those cold, bitter winter months. I remember we watched as Lestrade, finally fed up with his wife's cheating, left her for good. Then there was some silly little squabble between Sally and Anderson that put that fling to rest. Everyone around us seemed to be lonely, and at first I thought maybe I was with you, romantically, only because I couldn't bear to be on my own again, wanted to make sure you wouldn't leave me. You made it easy, you with your eyes that seem to contain so much warmth and comfort, although I know that this isn't possible, and is merely sentiment on my part. You received me with open arms. After a while I realised that I wasn't just scared of the cold. Every time you kissed me, my doubt vanished. Every time you kissed me, I fell ever deeper in love with you.

_And my head told my heart_

_"Let love grow"_

_But my heart told my head_

_"This time no, this time no"_

But I cannot stay. Moriarty knows, John, he knows how much you mean to me. When he said he would burn the heart out of me, he was talking about you. You are in danger as long as you are around me. For once, my decision isn't based on reason. Logically I know that I work better when I'm with you, and leaving you will reduce my abilities. No, my reason for leaving is based on feelings. My heart could never bear to see you hurt, especially on my account. And so I must leave.

_We'll be washed and buried one day, my girl_

_And the time we were given will be left for the world_

_The flesh that lived and loved will be eaten by plague_

_So let the memories be good for those who stay_

Everyone dies. One day we will too. Our time will be gone, and all that will be left is a story for the world. Our bodies will decay and everything will be gone. But that is not for years to come. I do not want you to die now because of my selfishness. I want to stay, John, want to stay here, by your side. But that would get you killed, one story ended too early. Let the world not remember that. I want you to live a long life, live it fully. Getting you killed would create bad memories for those left behind. Especially me. I do not know how I could go on if you died. (the last word of that sentence is heavily crossed out)

_And my head told my heart_

_"Let love grow"_

_But my heart told my head_

_"This time no, this time no"_

_Oh the shame that sent me off from the God that I once loved_

_Was the same that sent me into your arms_

_Oh and pestilence is won when you are lost and I am gone_

_And no hope, no hope will overcome_

I am ashamed, John, ashamed of so many things. In the beginning I was ashamed to be feeling so much for you, if only for the fact that I'd always been able to keep myself distant, burying emotions, passing them off as useless trifles. Of course, that shame has long since disappeared, but it's been replaced. I'm ashamed I cannot protect you in any other way. I'm ashamed that he will win. Because this is what he wants, me, stripped of anything I care about, hurting the only person I've ever loved. And I'm ashamed that I will be hurting you. I'll be gone, and you'll be lost, and he will have won.

_And if your strife strikes at your sleep_

_Remember spring swaps snow for leaves_

_You'll be happy and wholesome again_

_When the city clears and the sun ascends_

When you wake up from one of your nightmares and I'm not there to comfort you, remember me. Don't cry, my John, for I will be back. Things will get better, and I will make sure you smile again. No matter how long it takes, and it may be a very long time, I will find my way back to you again. When this business is finished, when you are safe, we will be together again. We will be whole once more. I promise this.

I love you.

Sherlock

_And my head told my heart_

_"Let love grow"_

_But my heart told my head_

_"This time no"_

_And my head told my heart_

_"Let love grow"_

_But my heart told my head_

_"This time no, this time no"_


End file.
